I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
