I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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