I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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