He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
