I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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