yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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