I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
