Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
