omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
