I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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