Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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