I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
