I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
