There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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