omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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