everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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