Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
