We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
