We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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