I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
