Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize