We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
