I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
