you traded sex for a burrito?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize