I don't usually arrange sex via text message
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
