Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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