If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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