We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
