you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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