If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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