can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
