hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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