the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
