so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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