so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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