Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
