God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
