thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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