The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
