I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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