Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
