I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
