I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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