She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
