My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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