just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
