Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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