I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
