Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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