he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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