alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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