my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize