Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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