So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
