just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
