false alarm. still invincible.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize