im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
