By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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