I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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