He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just sent this text using only my big toe
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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