we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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