dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
