problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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