he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
