Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
