all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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