lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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